I start this letter on the Eve of your 4th Month. You are sleeping now in your new Swaddle with puppy dogs on it. You cried for over half an hour once I put you down. It never gets easy to hear you cry, but we’ve gotta work on this Nursing to Sleep thing. Your sound machine plays on the monitor on my nightstand and I have a constant pain in my neck b/c I sleep every night with my head turned towards it. I end each day with a prayer thanking God for you (and Reeve) and also requesting you sleep more than 5 hours.
I think this is my favorite month of your life. I remember thinking that each month of Reeve’s life as well. You just get better and sweeter and more fun. You are so alert and so very much like your brother was at this age. You don’t want to nap or sleep b/c you really dont’ want to miss anything. Or, maybe, you just like to stay awake so you know where Reeve is at all times so you can be on High Alert to protect yourself.
Lowe, I cannot tell you how much Joy you bring into my day. I wish I could capture this feeling or at least find a word perfect to describe how you make me feel. There are two things that you do that, even when I’m old and my memory fades, I know I will never forget. That moment each morning when you look up from your crib bundled tightly in your swaddle, lying between the wedge in place to keep you from rolling over and you see me and start panting as if to say, “yes!!! pick me up, pick me up…hold me, hold me…I love you.” You remind me of a Puppy so excited when it’s owner comes home. I immediately forget how rough the night may have been and pick you up and just breathe in how you smell.
The other being when someone else is holding your or talking to you and I am trying to stay away so you will relax with them and then you see me and our eyes lock and I can physically SEE your body relax, your eyes light up and your smile spreads.
These things are enough. It’s those looks and those feelings that make everything worth all of it.
I should note before I get too far into this, that I went back to Reeve’s 4 Month letter and was overjoyed to find that you are doing nearly everything he did at this time. There is something comforting about that. I guess it confirms that I am doing this parenting thing right since he turned out pretty okay.
At this month, you are a gooey, wet dough ball. Your hand is always in your mouth and the neckline of every shirt is just covered in drool. I don’t think you are teething yet, but you are in 2-3 outfits a day just b/c of the slime. Reeve thinks it’s hilarious and is so excited for you to wear your new Batman bibs that Don Linny sent you. You will stick and and everything in your mouth. Be it a finger or a toy or sometimes you even lunge at my hands to stick in there. I especially love it when I catch you sucking on your wrist, suckling it as though you are nursing.
Hey, dare I ask why it is you will suck/gnaw on anything, yet won’t take a pacifier or bottle still? That blows my mind….I think God has a hand in that. He wants to remind me that even you aren’t Perfect 🙂 That is your only fault…thus far! 🙂
Your hands really are quite amazing to you. They not only taste good, they have learned how to grab and reach. I love putting an object in front of you and seeing your eyes locate it and then your hands grab each other in prayer (I think it must be how you first just find them) and then you shakily reach until your fingers can curl around it. You love this little orange ball we have that has holes perfectly sized for your fingers to fit into. You also love when we lay the Taggie Puppy on your chest, legs splayed and you gnaw on his nose. Your fingers are long, by the way. Sometimes, so much so that you gag yourself on them. I often hear that sound in the backseat and it always makes me turn to see what you are doing. You love your Sophie Chewie Giraffe, the colorful rings and the ball you can put your fingers through especially
You are a frantic eater when breastfeeding. You lunge at me and then once you are eating, often jerk your head side-to-side. It’s quite painful and you’ve been given your first reprimands as a result. For the most part, however, you are a fast and efficient eater and just get in there and get the job done. At this age, you love to grasp onto my shirt and try to pull me even closer. It’s so sweet. Your big, bright eyes look up at me and when I say BOO you smile and laugh with my breast still in your mouth. Your cheeks get so rosy and red. I unlatch you and you come up with fuzzy, wispy hairs and milk dribbling down your chin. Your give me this huge smile and one loud burp and then I kiss your neck and cheeks and we go on to the next thing.
This month I did something I never would’ve done with your brother and gave you Baby Food ahead of the “advised schedule.” I just don’t care at all what “they” say I should do anymore. You are hungry and won’t take a bottle and so sweet potatoes, carrots and squash you got. I wouldn’t say you love any of them. Sweet potatoes are probably the one you are the least indifferent about, but you are quite the messy and nasty little eater. I only really dip my spoon into your food, but it takes you at least 3 attempts to even get any of it in your mouth. The first few times were so funny. You weren’t quite sure what to make of it and now you open your mouth in anticipation of each bite though you still can’t really keep any of it in there. You are definitely capable of letting me know when you are finished as I’ve received several blasts of baby food on my face that you spit back out at me.
Your sweet little mouth really does want to talk so badly. You’ve found your voice and have a growl more so than a squeal, but do often emit a loud, high-pitched screech that never fails to shock me. Reeve sure does think it is the funniest thing though and he often will take whatever sound you make and say, “Mommy, Lowe just said ‘donkey’…or ‘hoop’ or whatever he thinks it is you said. I love that you are starting to talk and can’t wait to see where your voice fits into this family and what you will have to say to Reeve someday.
A favorite thing this month is your new laugh. Mommy is the only one so far who gets them out of you, but that could be because I will stop at no lengths for that dimple to pop out and your sweet laughter. Mostly I smooch your armpit and get the best giggles, but sometimes I can get them from running my fingernails over your bare belly or humming on your belly button. Peekaboo is a really fun game this month also. Reeve tries to do all of these things, but can’t hum and you usually just end up with spit all over you. He also takes the opportunity to lay on top of you and get face-to-face and try to make you laugh whenever he can. I always tell him to stop or get off when I catch him and so far you don’t mind, but I’m sure when you can talk you will tell him how annoying it is. You are my little Tiger.
Sleep is still something left to be desired. I really aim for one sold nap a day and get a 2.5-3 hour nap every afternoon. I still put you in your Merlins Sleep Suit and in the Rocker and the sound machine blasting nature sounds. I know I’ve created a horrible habit as I’m not sure what to do when you outgrow the rocker, but a Mom’s gotta do what a Mom’s gotta do. You take little cat naps here and there, but we are usually on the run too much between running Reeve to school, picking him up from school, playdates, errands, etc. I’m okay with you napping whenever and wherever you can.
At night, well….let’s just say I’m still up 2-3 times a night. With both of you boys it doesn’t matter if I put you down at 7pm or Midnight, your internal clocks wake you both up the second the sun starts to rise and so you go down between 7:30-8 and are up for your first time at around 2. I quickly am able to nurse you back to sleep. So quickly in fact that I wouldn’t have a problem letting you just Cry It Out, but then Reeve wakes up and it’s way harder to get him back to sleep. You are up again around 5 and for good at about 7.
It’s not rare for you to have 2 or 3 nights a week where you are up even more. I still have to swaddle you as your arms are WILD! In fact, we tried to move you up a size in your Swaddle b/c your legs are so long, but it wouldn’t get tight enough and once your arms found their way out, you didn’t know what to do with them and could not calm yourself down.
What I think is hardest about being up so much in the night is that I have a hard time falling back asleep. I am not that mom that sits there in the dark rocking you and staring at your perfect face. I just can’t. First, your rocker that was your brother’s isn’t comfortable enough for me to sleep in should I fall asleep and Second, I’m addicted to a game called Two Dots, Facebook, Instagram and reading at 2am. I joke that I wouldn’t have a clue what was going on in the world if I weren’t able to check my iPhone in the middle of the night. Then, however, the light from the screen has my brain so stimulated I lie in my bed listening to daddy snore and I end up being up for about an hour each time. Oh well….this too shall past and before I know it you will be grown up and I’ll be wishing for those sweet 2am feedings. Right? Maybe not, but I do know that I will never grow tired of how your whole face lights up the second you see me looking down at you. I have so many videos of that moment and will never forget the joy it brings me.
I’m pretty sure you think your carseat is a toilet as it is the only place you will poop and we’ve had no less than 5 blowouts this month. I always have at least 2 extra outfits on hand. Your blowouts are epic and I cannot believe how much Oxy Clean I use.
You still cannot roll onto your tummy, but are quite great at sitting in the Bumbo? I’m not quite sure I’m ready for you to roll b/c that opens a whole new can of Sleeping Issues, but I do help you lay on your side and try to urge you to roll over very often. Your core muscles are very strong as you can nearly do a crunch attempting to sit up. You may sit before you roll over.
You like to do a backbend and scoot around that way. I’ve never seen another kid do that. You want to GO GO GO so badly, but I can assure you that won’t take you very far.
Your hair is starting to grow back in and looks quite light. You definitely have Male Pattern Baldness still, however, with a touch of cradle cap causing family who only sees you in pictures to think your hair has a red undertone to it. It does not.
Baths aren’t your favorite thing, but they also aren’t your least favorite. You just lie there looking up at me with a face that says, “what am I doing in here? Get me out already.”
Your eyebrows are still thick and bushy and extremely expressive. Your eyes bright and blue. Your belly large and hard. Thighs with chunk that I can’t keep my lips off of. In my opinion, your face looks very much like a Cherubic Little Baby whereas Reeve had a very mature face. You are gorgeous and I can’t stop kissing you.
We had a fun month with activities and a lot of time spent outdoors. We finished Daddy’s baseball season with a Championship, went for a few mountain hikes, saw your first movie “Hotel Transylvania 2” and even accompanied Mommy & Daddy on a Date Night to Yia Yia’s where you at polenta. YUM!
One thing I have most loved this month is watching you take notice of Reeve and vice versa. Prior to this month, he really just ignored you and you only really just turned your head to wherever he was loudly making noises. Now, you smile and “talk” to him and he just adores you, but is quick to let us know that he doesn’t want any more babies. He always kisses you goodnight and simply calls you “Brother.” He is loud in your face and likes to wake you up in the car despite what Mommy tells him and he loves showing you your toys. Oh, how he longs for the day you can play with him and is always asking when he can have a bunk bed with you. If you are crying, he will grab your hands and sing to you.
Little Baby..hush…don’t cry…don’t you ever cry…or you won’t get to be a big boy
or some variation of that. One particular morning stands out in my memory as Daddy and I watched you in the kitchen singing to him in his swing and it was so sweet and gentle. How I wish I had a video of that moment.
Overall, Lowe, you are a very happy baby. The only time you ever fuss is when you are hungry or in the middle of the night. Even when you are tired, you only let me know when your eyes turn red.
Often, I feel like I’m yelling at or scolding Reeve so much that I feel like I’m failing as a mom. But then I get to see your smiling at me and how desperate you are for my touch and I know it’s all okay. Any Mommy Guilt I have just falls away.
All we really need is each other. And Reeve and Daddy.
You are a Big Baby and I cannot believe 4 months have passed with you in our family. Time is just so cruel and plays such horrible tricks. Life is just so busy with 2 that I rarely get to sit around and just savor the moments. It’s because of that I am so grateful for this blog, these monthly letters and all of the pictures I am able to take of you. And I do take a LOT of pictures of you. Daddy gets quite annoyed by it.
There are just so many small moments in every day that I don’t ever want to forget. Like how you sit in my lap while I burp you and I just smell your fuzzy head. Or how you smell or that slow winky smile. How you rest in the crook of daddy’s arm watching baseball. How adorable you are in your pajamas. How each burp is so cute. Even the faces and sounds you make when you are pooping.
I never fail to say a prayer of gratitude for you. For the love you bring into our home.
I can’t wait to see what you are like as you grow and learn. Being your Mommy is the best part of who I am. I say it all of the time, but I have no idea what I ever did to deserve such a beautiful family. There are no words or ways to express what my heart feels being your mom. I am always reminded of a quote I feel most accurately
“The best way I can say is that when a baby is born, the ghosts of the world’s greatest poets stand and listen to the cry of life that just took it’s first breathe and even they can’t find the words.” (Signs of Life: A Memoir)
Please always know how much Mommy loves you and that we always knew we always wanted you.