Dear Sweet Baby Lowe.
I remember being so worried the whole pregnancy with you that I wouldn’t be able to feel as much Love for you as I did for your brother. How could I have ever been so completely and utterly wrong?
From the moment they placed you on my chest, my heart grew 5 sizes.
I want to make sure you know that I had to start writing your One Month letter a whole week early just to ensure I would finish it. Life with 2 doesn’t allow as much time to sit around and blog like it did when it was just your brother, but I’m trying. I feel like I may be Over-compensating and taking twice as many pictures as I should….or posting too much. I just don’t want you to ever feel….well, second. It’s just that Daddy is out of town this week and your brother gives me a run for my money, so I have to start on the Sunday before your Saturday One Month mark.
I also want you to know that I spend a lot of time worrying that your letters won’t be as good, that you won’t have as many pictures, that your clothes are all hand-me-downs. I don’t want you to ever feel “second” and my hope is that you just know how hard I’m trying. I really am, even if it may not seem like it.
You are swinging away next to me. This morning you napped on my chest for the first time ever. THis is HUGE b/c all you ever want to do is eat and poop and eat and eat. Typically, when anywhere near my boobs you are pecking away at my chest trying to eat. The fact that you cuddled and let me nap with you made me so happy.
You are my little serious Piggy Pie. The only smiles you’ve made at this point are in your sleep or gas. But that’s okay…I love your serious face and your expressive, furrowed brow. I love how your lips spread clear across your face and turn down and you can look into my eyes for upwards for 30 seconds without blinking. *on your actual One Month birthday you started your gummy, goofy smile. Guess who its always at? Your brother. I love this. Mostly I worry he’s going to wake you or hurt you, but I can’t tell you the Joy it brings me to know that it’s him that you smile for. It’s him that you light up for. As it should be.
Life with you in our family is one big Love Fest. I smooch the spot on your neck that is clean every time I pick you up and you no longer think it’s a clue for you to eat, now you know it’s just Mommy getting some good loving. Your brother wants to “check on” you all day long and plant wet kisses on your head. Daddy exercises your legs and arms. Hannah is oblivious….you’ve had 3 visitors so far (DL, PPJ & Granny) and next week is Aunt Connie, Jack & Will and then Uncle Rick. Everyone is just so happy you are here! *you loved your cousins as your brother does and you are officially a “Brother Cousin now.”
But mostly me. It’s hard for me to believe that just under a month ago you were inside of me. Reeve keeps asking, “why did Lowe pick us?” and I love telling him how you wanted to be his brother so badly you chose US to be your family. He’s proud to tell everyone your name and that you are HIS.
I’m pretty obsessed with you. I could stare at you all day long and, in fact, do. Having family here to help and play with Reeve has given me quite the opportunity to try to memorize your face.
Let’s start with your hair.
From the moment you were born, I looked at you and saw the exact head of hair your brother had. Dark and shaggy over your ears. One side (the left) is longer than the other and it’s lightened tremendously around your face already from afternoons out in the sun. Like your brother, you have a spike and quite a defined hairline already though your hair is thicker than your brother’s and we have only put a hat on your when inside the hospital in hopes we can prevent it from falling out. You also have hair on your right ear that is a good 1/4″ long (not your left though). *at the One Month mark your head has begun to grow quite a bit and we can’t tell if you are losing the hair in the front or your head has just grown a lot. I’m pretty sure your head is just getting bigger as I haven’t seen any tiny baby hairs anywhere. It makes you look like an old man.
Baby fuzz covers your back, shoulders and arms. I tried to take a picture of it, but it’s simply too light. You have somewhere of abut 20 eyelashes on each eyelid and eyebrows that frame your whole face. Your right brow can raise quite high, making you look either pissed off or like you doubt everything we say. It’s these eyebrows and their expressions that make us laugh at you. They also alert us when you are happy or pooping. 🙂
Your eyes are still very dark blue. Your face is very serious although at about 3 weeks and 5 days you did begin to smile (mostly at Reeve when he’s being loud around you). We’ve heard many times that you have a very “mature face” (again, as did you brother) and we laugh at how very similar your two look. Your nose and head are rounder in general and your ears are more Grimes than Mooneyham. Otherwise, the two of you look nearly identical and in any hand-me-downs you wear, I worry I won’t be able to tell you apart in 20 years or so. Your cheeks are slightly pudgy and remind me always of your 32 Week Ultrasound where I was shocked to see a child of mine have some meat on his bones!
You do have a neck, though we rarely see it as you are kind of just a lump with arms that flail and smack yourself in the face all day. Boy does that make you mad! *slightly more control at One Month with your arms. They are still wild, but don’t hit you in the face nearly as much.
You break out of any swaddle we wrap you in and have forced us to use a DOUBLE swaddle to keep you contained at any nap or sleep. Otherwise, you are an amazing sleeper at night, but can’t be bothered with long naps during the day b/c your brother is too LOUD and doesn’t like to let you sleep peacefully. He’s constantly checking on you and kissing you and making sure you are okay. Lucky you…no, seriously…how lucky you are to have him watching over you, protecting you and just filling your day with love? You’ve been in your crib since you were just under 2 weeks old. We couldn’t keep you in the bassinet next to me b/c you were so long you were banging on the corners of it. You sleep really well in that big crib and look so dang tiny in it. You are up anytime between 1-2 am and then again around 5 and usually sleep in until 7:30 or 8.
So far, we’ve done pretty well synchronizing your naps with your brother’s. I’ve even managed to sneak 4 or 5 naps in with you guys. Sadly, I worry you spend a lot of time in your carseat as we are On The Go quite a lot between swim lessons, preschool drop off and pick up and daily errands. I’m sorry….your back is always sweaty when I take you out of that damn thing and it breaks my heart.
One of mine and Reeve’s favorite parts of any day is when you wake up and we unswaddle you from all the layers holding you down. Reeve says, “bust him free” and your arms slowly reach over your head, one then the other stretching. Your lips pucker and your legs still curl up as only a newborn does and you make grunts and groans, getting each kink out of your body. We just laugh and laugh and I smooch that spot on your neck that makes you twist and turn towards me.
Your legs are growing and constantly kicking. You have meat on your thighs and I swear you’ve already doubled in size. Today you have on an outfit that you were swimming in at the hospital and it fits your Lorax belly just perfectly.
You eat ALL DAY LONG! You take food SERIOUSLY….from the moment you were born, you’ve latched onto me with no problem and are just as happy and content as can be on my breast. I love it too….it’s some of the only “quiet” time we get to spend together with Loud One in the house. I’ve given up on only feeding you every 3 hours, it’s just simply not enough. At your two week appointment, your doctor said before we weighed you that she would be happy if you were back to birthweight as most babies are just getting back to that number around then. You had gained TWO pounds!!! I call you Piggy Pie and Daddy calls you Beefy or Moose. You are still tiny though, don’t get me wrong, we just aren’t used to a baby with CHUNK…and we love it.
I’ve packed away all of your newborn clothes and have you in both 0-3 and 3-6 month clothes. Sigh…it was a bittersweet day when I put those teeny, tiny onesies away. You barely wore them for 2 weeks!
Your belly button finally fell off at 3 weeks and 5 days. It was getting gross! Your cousin Will said it looked like a Meatball and I can’t tell you how happy I was to be able to finally give you a real bath. Of course, it pissed you off and you screamed the whole time, but you were so clean and smelled so yummy afterwards that it was worth it!
You have long toes and fingers, hands that grab and pinch and pull already. Only a mom would notice this, but your toes are just like Reeve’s. JUST LIKE THEM.
You are FINALLY starting to take a pacifier. It’s sure been a struggle. I had forgotten how easy it is to just pop one of those in your mouth so that you will suckle and soothe yourself to sleep. When you are frantic and pissed off and you won’t take it, it stresses me and Reeve out so much. You still need some help and encouragement, but you will suck on one now. Of course, it does piss you off when you spit it out and then it’s just this cycle of Take It…Spit It Out…Take It.
You coo and “talk” the whole time you are awake. The doctor said at your 2 week checkup that this is “advanced” and we, of course, know you are a Genius so this was no surprise to us. You also do this wheezing snore when you are asleep that makes us all giggle. Your grunts when you poop are quite hilarious and evoke the best laughs from your brother!
I couldn’t find a single flaw with you if I had to. I just honestly think you are perfect.
Though we aren’t sure our family is 100% complete (I may already be begging for another baby), we do know that we were always meant to have you in it. Reeve loves that you picked us (or him) to be ours.
I had forgotten what its like to be someone’s WHOLE world. I’m used to making sure everyone else’s world is in place and all you care about is me. It’s nice, for a change. You don’t care if I’m showered or if I’ve had any sleep or a good/bad day. You just care that I’m here for you and that’s the best feeling. You know my smell and always turn your head towards me when you hear me talking.
We are still figuring this Family of 4 thing out. It’s nowhere near as stressful as life with Reeve was when he was a newborn. My confidence level is high, but my “oh well” level is higher. I can’t and don’t stress if you miss a nap or aren’t “on schedule.” It just can’t always happen. And that’s okay. I sleep better (probably thanks to the Angel Monitor that would alert me if you stopped breathing) and I just know what to do this time. I think that has made this part of the reason I’m already begging for #3. 🙂
Daddy sure loves you too! He values every second (and there aren’t as many) that he gets to spend with you b/c it’s kind of just become his job to take care of and distract your brother when he’s home so I can tend to you. I’m sorry about that, that you don’t get him to yourself as much, but you will. I promise. Someday he’s going to teach you to throw a curveball and be the gentleman he is and you won’t know any different.
Right now you are lying in bed with us, swaddled and trying to hard to stay awake. You are a little fussy and just want to nurse, I have nothing much left to give you after this long day. Daddy is playing Leon Bridges for you and we are marveling at how much you’ve grown. How cute you are. How you look so much like your brother. How lucky we are.
How lucky we are!!!
I hope you know how much we love you, Lowe. And how happy we are you chose us to grow up with. How special your name is. How much your brother adores you and just wants you to be big enough to play with him.
We can’t wait to see who you are. Will you be silly and loud like your brother or quiet and serious like your daddy? No matter, you will be your own person and we love whoever you are. It’s so fun to see my boys grow up, but I won’t lie, even this one month of your life has flown by. I look at you and can barely remember how tiny you were in that hospital room (which I glance up at every time I go into your Pediatrician). Your head looks huge and your belly so round. Time is just so cruel.
Happy One Month, Lowe. I hope you grow up to be good and kind and brave and healthy and strong. My prayers for you are the same as those for your brother, or anyone for that matter. That you my be good and Kind. Brave and Strong. Healthy and True. They are bigger than any prayer I’ve ever had for myself and they remain on my lips and heart each night as I watch you in your sleep.
I love you!
Reeve’s Letter HERE