Getting.Too.Big

You know that feeling you get about 2 weeks into your baby’s life when the whole idea of Time has escaped you? When you look at your baby and suddenly he looks HUGE? That feeling of panic and angst?

I have that…and I have it bad.

Lowe is already in 0-3 month clothing, the newborn onesies packed away and his tiny bottom somehow is too big for newborn size.

His hair is getting lighter and his head bigger.

I feel this panic that time is going too fast and I am not adequately capturing enough pictures or writing enough memories down. The professional photographer who came was awesome, but did she get enough pictures? I snap away on my iPhone as much as I can, but is he going to, one day, feel like I didn’t take enough pictures of his childhood?

His newborn smell is so yummy and no matter how much Johnson’s & Johnson’s I put on him, I feel like that smell is fading.

but perhaps the thing that scares me the most is that one morning I will “set you free” from your swaddle and your arms won’t stretch and your legs won’t curl up like you were in my belly and you’ll be a teenager. The idea of that honestly makes my heart hurt.

It’s not secret that Time goes too fast for a Mommy, but I cannot settle with myself how to slow it down so that I’m okay with it.

Last night you spent your first night in your crib and tears filled my eyes when I walked out of the room. You looked so tiny and the crib looked so huge! Swaddled with your arms tightly at your side, I laid in bed with Kirk begging him to let us have 1 (maybe 2) more babies.

I CANNOT stand the idea that you could ever be my last baby.

I WILL NOT let that be the case.

I could kiss your neck and I cherish the afternoon nap when your brother is asleep in his bed. I lie down next to you and put my head as close to yours as possible just staring and breathing with you.

Sigh….tis the story of a Mom.

I can’t stand it when other moms of newborns complain about midnight feedings and how tired they are. I just LOVE this hazy, foggy period where I forget half the things on my grocery list and leave my diaper bag in the car everywhere I go. I love spending 2 a.m. partying with you and I just hope that Time can please try to understand that this Mommy isn’t okay with how a clock works.

****sigh

            

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