Those feelings of sadness about you no longer being my only baby are creeping in.
I’m tired and often short-tempered and constantly worried that I’m not being the best mommy you could ever want lately. I find myself watching you through the window at your class or hidden behind the door looking in on your in the Superhero Room and thinking to myself how very soon my days will be filled with tending to Baby L and how this will all change.
I don’t think you will be devastated. I don’t think you will act out or be any less crazy than you already are, but I do worry that I will forget how wonderful our time together is of late. How you stop me at the most random times to tell me that you love me. How you reach for my hand ALWAYS when we are walking. How you tell me I’m beautiful or kiss my belly with your wet, wet lips. How you are learning new and big words like “concerned” and “absolutely” and “regardless.”
I’m sorry if I’m tired a lot. Growing your brother is HARD work and often you get the short end of the stick. An earlier-than-usual bedtime so I can just go lay down. An extra cartoon so I can sneak a bath during the day. One less book at night. There have been a LOT of chicken nuggets on your plate lately.
You don’t mind though. At least you don’t complain.
It’s just….well, you are my best friend and I don’t want to ever upset you or cause you to think you are being replaced. Or that I will care more about the crying and pooping lump that is your brother than I do about you.
This morning we went on a special Donut Date and I took this quick selfie of us. Your ears…have I mentioned lately how much I love this big (little) ears? How they remind me of Daddy and his Grandpa. You chose a blue and orange sprinkle donut and ate just the top with the glaze and sprinkles. You got chocolate milk (a treat!) everywhere and then we headed down to the outlet malls where you found a hanger at H&M that you claimed as your own and made into Bat Cuffs. You helped me pick out a Valentine’s Day present for Daddy (BRIGHT blue Nike’s…like Batman) and then chased all the arrows projected onto the floor at Ikea. Home for a quick nap then we headed to Daddy’s office to deliver cookies.
We had a wonderful day. Not every day is so wonderful with The World’s Busiest Toddler, but yesterday was great and I’m just so so so happy we get to have so many more days together. Though our days of Just The Two Of Us are short, I’ve cherished every single one (tears).
I just never knew I could love someone as much as you and I can’t wait until Daddy and I are no loungers your Best Friends and Baby L takes over that roll!