Just 5 days into this month and I find myself twisting my brain a lot. I feel a lot like I need to lose my mind for a bit. Do you know what I mean? Like my days are so scheduled with breakfast, play, nap at 12:30, racing to clean, wake up to crabby toddler, more play, prep dinner with crabby toddler hanging on leg, clean up again, eat dinner and try to get crabby toddler to eat anything, more play, bath, books, putting Reeve to bed then retouching pictures….SO SCHEDULED….I just want a day where HE stays on his schedule but I get to break away from all of that routine.

Here are some things that are currently going on in my life, heart, mind and body.

READING: Crappy free novels that aren’t doing anything for me really. It’s just so easy to find free books with the Overdrive app since I read one book every 2-3 days. I calculated once that if I paid for every book I read, I would be out about $150/month. I’m also trying to find some new blogs to add to my daily list of must reads. I just pulled a really great book from my shelf that I haven’t picked up in about 4 years called The Happiness Project. I’m wanting to incorporate my monthly challenges into this and take it to the next level to REALLY challenge my life in a way that is more than giving up *stuff* but maybe work more on the *inside stuff*.

WATCHING: Kirk and I love Nashville and I just crack up at how much he really loves it. He especially loves the Deacon Clayborne character and gets so excited when he sees promos. I really only watch TV from 8pm-10pm each night since Reeve is only allowed to watch it if I’m completely worn down and need a break (this usually happens about 3pm in the afternoon and he gets to watch Sesame Street), so I watch a lot of crap (Kardashians, Tia & Tamera, Real Housewives, Watch What Happens Live….) Sooo, with that being said, I’m also admitting out loud how much I really don’t even like these shows. They add no value to my life and I don’t even really find these shows remotely funny or entertaining….so why am I wasting my brain space with them?

LOVING: My conversations with Reeve are hands-down my favorite part of each day. He is speaking in 6-7 word sentences, asking questions and is displaying sympathy when others are in pain, laughing when something is funny, saying “please” and “thank you,” and randomly telling my “I wuv you, mama.” Also, my adorably handsome husband who helps with all the stuff around the house from the second he walks in the door from a long workday. He helps cook, does all the dishes, plays with Reeve so I can go to the gym, cleans up….lucky me. I’m loving all of the holidays decor and treats in the stores, but also feeling guilty about how much I want to buy. I’m loving these last days of Fall weather. Crisp, cool air and pumpkins still on each porch. Date Nights (2 in the next weeks).

WANTING: Oh….this is a hard one. I want things, I do. I want stuff….and I want NOT to want so much. I want to work on wanting….I don’t need any more.

WORKING ON: The last 3 photo shoots I did this year. I can only do this from 8-10 at night and MAKE myself do at least 30 each night. Also working on my fitness. Reeve and I have been going to the Rec Center 2 times a week (he hates it and has figured out the *teacher* will hold him the whole time if he whines enough) and I’m committed to using the gym (it’s GORGEOUS) at our community 2x a week also. It’s HARD….most days the LAST thing I want to do is work out, but I feel so much better after I do. Duh….Lastly, I’m also working on giving up Caffeine. I’m on Day 6. I didn’t have the horrible withdrawal headaches this time, unlike the last 8 times I’ve given it up. I’m convinced that’s my body’s way of telling me it was ready and thanking me for giving up the addiction. It hasn’t been near as hard this time, but I’m having a hard time finding a drink of choice. Obviously I could go any restaurant anywhere and order a Coke, but now what do I order? Water is great and I sure do drink a lot of it not, but sometimes I need the FIZZ. I don’t like Sprite (it’s what I used to drink when I was sick) and Soda Water is okay (if you add a bunch of stuff to it) and I don’t like root beer….I will figure it out.

LISTENING TO: Avici’s “Wake Me Up” is so beautiful it hurts. I haven’t found any new tunes I love lately. It’s so far down on my list. The only place I really listen to music is in the car and I’m usually singing “The Wheels On the Bus” or “Old McDonald” and have the radio off. Lame. But you know what? I’m listening to my voice a lot more lately. Huh….how about that? I’m listening to the words I say. Are they filled with love? Good intention? I’m conscious that my voice is more than the sounds my mouth emits….

SAD ABOUT: I’m having a hard time as this holiday season approaches thinking about those less fortunate that us. I wish it didn’t take all the presents on the shelf for me to think this way, I’m working on that too. I’m sad for the mommys and daddys whose babies won’t be there this year. Those Newtown parents who can’t look forward to decorating a tree or filling a stocking. The little kids who will think Santa didn’t remember where they lived this year. I’m sad for mommy’s with unhealthy babies. I’m sad for friends who lost parents. I’m sad for so many things and so many people in this very happy time of year and I’m going to find a way to help. To get toys to a lot of kids this year.

MAKING ME SMILE: Thinking about how we are going to buy bikes this year for as many kids as we can for kids who won’t have a lot of present under the tree. Bikes make kids happy and that makes me happy. So does peanut butter cookies and cinnamon-smelling candles and long sweaters and yogurt and Kirk and backrubs and good friends who text me that they want to treat me to a surprise tonight  and won’t tell me what it is, just that I need to shave my legs?!? Pedicure? Is wine involved? Do you know how long it’s been since a friend has treated me to anything? Everyone is so busy…..also smiling about the Superman stocking stuffers I picked up yesterday and Book Of Mormon which we are going to see Friday night.

FEELING THANKFUL: For my body. It’s healthy and so strong. For Reeve’s health. I say extra prayers every night for this. There are just no words for how easy it is to take this for granted. For Kirk’s strength and commitment to our family. That he keeps me warm. I’m thankful for old friends and new. I’m thankful for having the option to get to stay home with Reeve every day. For my family and the roof over my head.

And….no post is complete without pictures of my boy. Here he is having a 30-second tantrum at Target when I wouldn’t give him the toys in the basket.





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