tonight, when I laid you down in your crib after rocking you to sleep, I was reminded of you as a newborn. It was storming outside and so dark I had a hard time even finding your crib. It made me think of 2am feedings and how I didn’t mind being tired and didn’t mind being up with you in the pitch black. I still rock you every night, your body so big on mine that I just hold onto this precious time in my heart knowing it won’t be long before you are too big. But, as I laid you into your crib, you sighed and my heart tore a little. You are just growing so fast.
Often, this joy I feel in the most mundane, the most common moments is so hard to inhale. I fight to catch up to my heartbeat, my heart bursts when I see you. I’m proud you are mine. I’m happy for all that you future holds and yet cling to the past and the present. You are so innocent still. Life hasn’t gotten to you and each day you are a reminder to me of Blessings and Faith and Grace. Motherhood is all about Grace as I find boogers on my shoulders and as you pull my shirt open in public and yell “poop” in the middle of a nice restaurant or “penis” as you grab your diaper in front of other moms.
Time is against us, I feel. You are growing and learning and I have this love/hate relationship with all of it. My arms ache for the tiniest version of you with hair on your back, yet I await each new word and milestone with the same hope I felt when your body was inside of mine and I dreamt of what this life had in store for us.
Being your mother is so emotional. Tonight your Daddy and I sat on the patio watching the lightning show and drinking red wine. The stars were bright and tearfully I told him how I just wish I could pick everything I wanted for you out of the stars and put it in a box to give to you. I’d choose Patience, and Kindness and Health and Love and Joy and Strength and all these virtues that I spend each day so consciously practicing with you in mind. I’d give you everything if I could.
This month I feel we have three main themes: Speaking in Sentences and 3-syllable words and SUPERMAN!
I’ve quit even attempting to keep track of all the new words you say b/c, honestly, there isn’t anything you CAN’T say. From “horrible” to “medicine” to “awesome” and “my name is…” and “it’s broken” and “fix it, Jim” and “hippopotamus” and “octopus” and even your own name. You are a little magpie and we are just in awe of your brain and speech. It’s fascinating. You yell “Go Broncos” and “go home” and “monsters coming” and “come on, hannah” and “where is?”. I’m equally surprise and not at all when you say something new. You love yelling for “Deklan” next door (calling DECK-UNNNN) and you love scrunching your nose to say “orange.” You can tell me what you want and it makes life so much easier. I ask if you want Batman or Superman and you say “both.” You know plurals and can count to 2 🙂 and appropriately add the *s* to make more than one of anything. You know how to add “ing” to a verb and hold your hands up and ask “is it” and say “did it” when you finish something.
Your little sense of humor is quite impressive. You still love to say “Ice…Ice….baby” and then giggle. You know it’s funny to say the complete opposite of what we tell you to say. I told you tonight to say, “Go Daddy” and you went through the whole gamut of “Go Noo noo (noodles)” to “Go Hannah” to “Go blanket” just to make me laugh. You love to say “tickle” and “sickle” (popsicle) and “buckle” and ask for “help” (which sounds like ‘hope’) all day long. You always say things you want are “coming” and know when you dump your toys all over the floor that you are making a “mess”.
Perhaps my favorite things you say this month are “I love you” which sounds a little like “Wuv ewe” and “Please Mommy” which you enunciate with such precision each word is it’s own sentence. You have wonderful little manners when you want food/ice/drink and always say, “Peas. Mommy.” Thank you sounds like “kank you”. Daddy and I have decided you actually do not know the word “yes” b/c when I ask you a question I know the answer to is yes, you say “no.” For example, with ice cream sitting in front of you, “Do you want a bite of ice cream?” You tell me no and then open your mouth. It seems I need to tell you yes more often.
When playing with others, especially your Best Friend Deklun who you love to grab around the neck in a bear hug and tackle to the ground you don’t always have the best manners. He loves it and so do you. I just know you two are going to be trouble together and, hopefully, as tights and close as real brothers. Though he’s 5 months older than you, you are the same height. He’s physically a little faster and stronger and runs better and you just fight so hard to keep up. Each time we drive into the gate at our community you start yelling for him or stand at the end of his driveway doing your fake cry and saying “is he?’
We have to be careful what we say b/c not only can you pick up on the curse words and use them (dammit) but you have a memory like an elephant. I can mention ice cream at 4pm and two hours later you are still saying “nah ceem?”
No less than 492 times a day we hear you yelling “MANNNNNNNN” at the top of your lungs. That would be your new obsession….SUPERMAN. Batman is a close second (he’s ‘man’ also). You have 5 action figures that you LOVE and that go with us everywhere. You have Superman cups and capes and swim trunks and books and a cardboard cutout and Little People and bottle and stickers and tattoos and on and on and on. You are allowed to watch him on my iPhone in the car so that I can keep you awake (you still fall asleep in the car if we go farther than 5 miles) and I can hear you in the backseat saying “NOoooo” and “get him” and “gooooo.” Lately you are saying “punch” (puns) b/c you have noticed that’s what Man does….and you don’t just punch the air, but Mommy an awful lot. Granted, your punch packs the heat of a kitty cat, I don’t like it. You are still so little that when you do punch a book or the floor, you look at your hand afterwards and say “owie”.
I do, however, love it when you say “up, up” and put your arms up as though to fly. You forget the “away” part of it, but we know. When a plane flies overhead in the sky, you turn to it and say “up, up” and start running around. You hold Man up in the air and make Little Boy airplane whoosh sounds. I’m not sure if this obsession is b/c you are named after him and we somehow pushed it on you or if it’s just in your genes to love comics, but it’s better than Yo Gabba Gabba and I’m cool with that. You love him so much that he made an appearance in EVERY single family picture we had taken professionally this month. 🙂
Perhaps b/c of your love for Superman, you are also obsessed with Monsters right now. You leave off the “N” in the word and repeat over and over, “Mos-ters…coming” and we don’t know why or where you even learned that word, but something about how you say it always makes us giggle.
You still aren’t an amazing eater. The two upper canines have been attempting to come in for the better part of this month and I attribute the noodle diet to that. We still make you daily Spinach/vegetable smoothies and you love those, but aside from broccoli and a bite or two of carrot, unless it’s hidden in something else, you don’t get a lot of greens in you on your own will. I can usually bribe you to eat an extra bite or two of broccoli if there’s something you really want, but you’d always prefer to have some pasta/bread/muffin, etc. Oh, speaking of, this morning I told daddy I was craving a “M-U-F-F-I-N” and you said, “muffin” right back at me. I dang near lost it….Kirk heard it or he never would have believed it.
Your naps are hit or miss. I get an hour to and hour and a half, but never a lot more than that. Never long enough, let me tell you. I won’t complain though, at night I get a solid 11 hours and wake every other day to you babbling away happily in your crib for a half hour before you start crying for me. I listen so happily as you ask for “Linny” and “Deklun” and “mommy” and “hannah” and say “poop” and “man” and “moon” and “Star……
As the summer nears it’s end, we spend as much time as we can at the pool. You love to run now and throw your body into the water landing on your belly. You know now to keep your head above water and blow bubbles out or spit out water. Your legs float behind you and you are really good at kicking your feet when they float. Little Fish, Little Fish…..it’s so fun to stand in the small fountains in the Kiddie Pool and let it hit you in the face. The Big Pool is less and less daunting as we take you in it. You prefer to have a Body Board under you to hug onto and as we dip you all the way under the water, you come up laughing and spitting out whatever water gets in your mouth.
Daddy’s baseball season is ending and aside from obvious reasons (it’s too damn long and I’m tired of it) I’m glad that I won’t have to chase you around trying to keep you off those scary metal bleachers or from sticking your fingers in the fence just to spite me every time I tell you not to. I will miss this age and you running the bases with daddy after each game getting so dirty and falling on purpose then yelling “SAFE,” but I’ve learned just when I think a month/an age can’t be any better, I’m proven wrong. There is just something about little boys, you guys like to run at full speed and then throw yourself down in the grass, on the sidewalk. It doesn’t matter.
We have taken you on two hikes this month and let you walk as much of both as you could. Both times you yelled “hike” as long and often as you could. You loved to run on the pebbled trail and as you do you resemble E.T. with your arms flailing everywhere. It’s so funny to plop down in the tall grasses and slide on your belly into the trail. On our first trip to Tiny Town you were so excited about the Choo Choos…until we rode the mini steam engine. The whistle had you shaking and clinging to me so hard. It didn’t stop you from continuing to love trains though. When Don Linny & Papa Jim came to visit you, they brought a Train Table from your cousins filled with trains and cars and you could play with that thing ALL day…and, most days, we do. You just love “chop choos” now and every time you hear a putt-putt sound yell “coppers” into the air looking for a helicopter.
We play a lot of “I Spy With My Little Eye” on the front porch when we eat vegetable popsicles to distract you from wanting to run away. You say “Iiiiiiiiii…..MAMA” It’s so cute, as though you don’t really understand and as if I am the best secret thing there is in our neighborhood. You sing “Money Money Money” and love playing outdoors with Chalk and coloring our driveway. You are learning the difference between things like “up and down” and “hot and cold.” Every day you want to look at a photo album on the coffee table with your baby pictures saying “Eve” and “baby me.” You have a lot of silly quirks this month. Walking around clutching any Superman t-shirt and fighting me when I try to take it away. Wearing shorts on your head. You say “aw mannnn” and “Oh my gosh” all too often. You like trying to do push up, though there is really no “up” in the attempt. FINALLY you can slide down the stairs on your belly and it’s like a greased seal once you get going.
You spent your first night away from us this month while Mommy & Daddy went to a wedding downtown. I was so sad to leave you though not at all worried about leaving you with DL and PPJ like I would with a babysitter. I should have known better. Don Linny held you for the whole 2 hours you napped and got you to sleep with no problem. The next morning, as we pulled up to brunch to see you, I was so excited. I thought for sure you would be as equally excited to see me….NOT! You saw me in the car window, said “mama” and went back to your game. Silly boy. I’m so glad you had fun with them and wish we could spend a little bit more time away b/c we sure had a LOT of fun without you that night downtown.
This month I’ve heard a LOT of quick “no’s” in reply to any question I ask you. I understand you are finding your independence and learning how to voice your opinion, but I’d like, just once, to hear the “yes, ma’am” we practice. Independence….for 17 months I wondered when you’d be able to do more on your own and at the first sign of it I just want my compliant little baby back. 🙂 Still, I try to celebrate your independence and applaud you for learning how to be your own person. I ask you for a kiss and you say, “no” then after a few attempts am rewarded with a sloppery, wet one. You don’t like to share me and get so mad when daddy kisses or hugs me. You yell “mine” and “NO.” For some reason, if I ask for a “squeeze” I will get a hug around the neck, but I don’t think you like kissing on me as much as I do on you.
Each night we have the same routine and, like our others during the day, don’t stray very often. At 7 we head upstairs for your bath where you like to draw on the wall and splash us and throw around whatever toys are in there. You love to stand on your blue stool and brush your teeth “bus teef” and gnaw on the toothbrush. We then hurry to get you in your pajamas and calmed down by reading anywhere from 3-15 books. You like to grab your favorites for us and are getting better and better every night about putting them up on the shelf. The funniest thing is to watch you trying to learn how to lie on your belly to read with us. You can’t seem to get comfortable and are up and down and up and down thinking that if you start all over you will get it right. Just before I rock you, you run back and forth between Daddy & I giving kisses before we each smooch a cheek at the same time really hard. Then, we say “night night” and rock you and nurse you until you are out.
Yes, I am still going strong nursing you twice a day at 17 months. I am so proud we’ve made it this far and I get so defensive at the few who question “why?” or ask when I’m going to stop as if I already should have. You are healthier b/c of it, smarter b/c of it and it’s the only 30 minutes during the day that you slow down long enough to process everything you’ve learned. I’ll quit when you are ready be it tomorrow or in 6 months.
This month, you are so physical. You love to tackle and throw your body onto things. You try to skip and can climb up and down so much better. You are still stingy with your kisses, but are good at hugs and snuggles. I can’t believe how strong you are. You love to “hang” on bars and anything you can. You run full speed to get momentum going so that you can get up on the couch. I’m no longer as worried about you going up and down the driveway and have enjoyed watching learn how to walk backwards this month….ha ha…you walk into the walls a lot when you do that.
Oh, Buddy, I just cannot tell you how much pleasure I find in our every day together. We have kicked this summer’s butt and are as tan and blonde as either of us have ever been. We wake up each day and look for the moon so that we can “chase” it on our walk. We laugh a lot each day, and that’s what matters. We talk to each other about everything. We throw pennies in fountains and wish that we’ll be Best Buddies forever. We look at Big Trucks and jump in puddles and take time each day to sit in the grass and just listen.
Reeve, don’t ever think for one second of your life that you aren’t adored and loved and so enjoyed. As your Mom, all I want is for you to feel what my heart feels by way of my actions. I try each day to be 100% in the moment. I focus on not rushing you or telling you “no” too often or trying to get you to do anything you don’t want to do. I hope that in 20 or so years you still want to hug and kiss me. I think forward to that day you leave our house for college and I just pray that I’m doing this right. That I’m teaching you to make “wise choices” (words that you hear every day and don’t understand just yet, but that someday will be a whisper in your ear when you are about to make a mistake).
Each night, I pray for you to be happy, no matter what that may mean to you. Happiness is something different for every single person. I look out the window from our bedroom at those stars I wish I could pluck for you from the sky and just give you every one of them.
I’d give you that moon you love so much too if I could.
More than anything, as you grow big and strong and SMART, we just give thanks for your health.
Reeve, the best thing about me,is without a doubt, YOU. And I love you more than any word, sentence, paragraph, poem. More than the ocean. More than the sky. More than the moon. You are more than I could ever have asked for in a feisty, sweet, boisterous, smart, active and happy little boy.
Thank you for being mine…
To the moon & back,
Favorite things to do: Run and flop in the pool water, tackle Deklan, play cars or chop choos, anything Superman, read books, sidewalk chalk
Favorite things to eat: Noodles, oranges, grapes, biscuits, muffins, waffles, ice cream
Dislikes: avacado (cado), when I try to go to bathroom, naps
Funny Tricks: sing “money money money,” zerberts on mommy’s belly, airplane sounds, wearing shirts on his head, putting sticks and rocks down the small hole in man holes
Scary items: Monsters (moss-ters) coming, bears bite
Cute item: Superman everything, helicopters, stubbed little toes from pool
Hair color: Surfer blond
Eye color: Still bright blue!
Clothing size: mostly 18 months, but leaning towards 2T
Diaper size: 4
Weight: probably 29-30 pounds
Height: 35″ (98%) (so big you often are mistaken for a 2-year-old)
Teeth: 14. top and bottom incisors are halfway out and bottoms just poked out….you are definitely showing all drooly and snotty signs of teething
- Funny Words (there are about 10o more you can say)
- fix it
- Go Broncos
- owie….even when something doesn’t hurt