Day.One.Almost.Killed.Me

It should be noted that the hour following the “Magic Hour” is the hour in which I nearly die!

WOW…I was prepared for a “restless” night but not for a completely SLEEPLESS night.

Reeve, you did not sleep at all!

Having been in the hospital for 3 nights, you are completely trained to only eat when you are skin-to-skin….and while that time is lovely and special and I love how your warm little body feels on mine, it has made sleeping impossible. Once I feed you and go to put you to bed, I have to wrap or bundle you and that process jolts you awake and alert and unable to sleep.

Then,once I would finally get you bundled then I would have to transfer you to your crib and that woke you up.

Kirk and I just laid there at our wit’s end. I bet the skin-to-skin/bundle/crib transfer process went on for 3 hours…well until  2 or 3 am….we just kept looking at each other helplessly and saying “we do we do?”

Finally, at 5 am, Kirk let me sleep and he took Reeve into his nursery and held him in the Nursery Chair for 2 hours without moving a muscle….I woke up worried about where you were b/c I had forgotten where you went. I walked in and felt guilty for having slept while Kirk just sat holding his son, but quickly realized Kirk enjoyed every second of it (during the time) and that his grumpiness from lack of sleep would kick in later.

and boy did it!

It’s challenging bring you home to say the least. At the hospital, everyone was at our beck and call and all we had to do was push a button to get someone to come take you away so we could sleep…REALITY…that shit doesn’t happen once you get home.

When you get home no one exists to make your life easier. We have been very lucky b/c Don Linny is in town helping us, but we can’t wake her up to watch our kid who is screaming his eyes out. What is she gonna do?

I just remember I laid in bed last night fighting the urge to nod off with Reeve in my arms and kept reminding myself that  this is only Day One and it HAS to get better. That, one day, i will mourn the size of this sweet little tiny precious perfect baby and I should embrace every second of it. I try really hard to focus on how lucky we are still. Love  has always been in our home, but now it’s all around us and almost strangling us.

My heart ACHES with my love for my family.

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