come.out.come.out.WHOever.you.are

Reeve,

you are either a VERY stubborn child (you get that from me) OR you are just relaxed, laid back and in no hurry whatsoever to  listen to what I say (you would get that from your daddy).

I am 39 weeks and 4 days and there is no reason to believe you are going to come out on your own.

At my doctor’s appointment today, I was (again) NOT dilated and Doctor wasn’t even able to “strip my membrane” and THEn….she put it in MY hands as to what our Plan of Action is.

I can induce this weekend, wait it out or induce NEXT weekend.

While a part of me had hoped “induce” was a word we discussed, now that “what happens next” is in MY hands….I HAVE NO IDEA what to do.

There are pros/cons to both, but a part of me just wants to listen to my body and know he isn’t ready to get here or he would….

there is another part of me that is swollen fingers and tingly hands, legs that I can barely lift, hips that hurt, a vagina that is so swollen it doesn’t even feel real, lungs that barely work, 4-5 hours a night of sleep, peeing 10-12 times a day and back pain so bad that I think…Okay, let’s get him out.

I am leaning towards NOT inducing. Although I would love a little St. Patrick’s Day baby and for my parents to get to spend as much time with you as possible before they have to go back to Kansas, I can’t shake this feeling that this is the FIRST decision you will EVER make and I don’t want to influence it in any way. Who am I to play God? Who am I to decide when it’s convenient to have you?

I still have not decided what to do yet, but my heart is leaning towards letting you come out on your own terms. Aside from the increased risks involved with inducing, I just think that God has blessed me so much already that it’s not my place to mess with His plan.

There you have it, I guess.

See you when I see you, Reeve.

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