no.centimeters.dilated

that’s right, Reeve…you aren’t even CLOSE to coming out.

I want you here so badly. I just want to see your face and touch your skin and play with your tiny toes and see the look on Kirk’s face when he first sees you. If there is one thing I will focus on the most when I endure any pain in getting you here it is that.

Words cannot express how happy I am to give Kirk a son. A little boy he can teach to be a good man, a gentle man, a baseball player, a role model.

That moment, when Kirk holds his son, is going to get me through all of this. It’s just a small part of something so beautiful, and hopefully someone can capture that moment with a picture, but if not…it will never leave my head or my heart.

As the days get closer, I am extremely sentimental. I see children with their parents who are so rushed and hurried and I just want to make sure time never goes too fast.

I have said it before but you will only be one day old for one day and that’s just not good enough for me. Each day and milestone will be celebrated, but Kirk and I will never have that moment again. Much like our wedding day, we could hire the exact same band, I could wear the same dress, and all the same guests could be there, but there would be NO way to recreate how that day felt, the love, the joy…

no other moment in time, not even that of another child, will be as special as that exact moment Reeve is here and we are parents and joy will flood our veins.

and so, today, after a doctor’s appointment where I am not even the slightest dilated or does the doctor in any way think you will be here soon; THIS is my prayer for you.

May the grace of god be with you always, in your heart
May you know the truth inside you from the start
May you find the strength to know that you are a
Part of something beautiful…

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