today is my last day of work.
After today, I don’t have to work again and will officially be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom).
As this day starts, I am experiencing feelings of excitement and fear, nervousness and elation….
I have worked sine I was 16 whether it was in a bookstore, a restaurant (a LOT of restaurants) a retail store, a bank, mortgage company, advertising agency, photography, school or for a home builder….most of my jobs have been in sales which then equal STRESS so I am not even sure how I will fill my days if I not preparing some report or meeting some goal or trying to get someone to buy something.
I imagine that I will want to go back to work and prepared for that in 12 weeks as the door at my company will remain wide open, but I am told to “enjoy it” and that I will “never get this time back” so DON’T DO IT…
It’s just that I don’t know (or perhaps am just naive still) what Reeve could come with that would mean attending to him would fill my whole days. I picture myself watching a lot of television, shopping b/c I am bored, story hours at the library, cooking, cleaning dinner….pretty “house-wifey” things…and it doesn’t really turn me on. In fact, I get freaked out thinking that that is all I will have to look forward to. That those things will define me and I worry that, quite simply, I am going to be bored out of my mind.
But then I think to myself that it couldn’t be any more boring than this job is 3/5 days of the week when I am here alone and sit here with NOTHING to do.
I guess the bottom line is that I just don’t know how I will pass my days though I am told it will be napping when I can, with him on my boob, changing poopy diapers, and all sorts of other fun motherly things.
Either way, I know I am going to miss a lot of the people I work with. Today, for instance, a co-worker who has become a good friend dropped off a Baby Care Package with books, binkies, burp cloths, wipes, etc….I will miss that day-to-day adult interaction so I will need to find a way to supplement that and am hoping between Library Story Hour and hiking groups I am able to. . .I just don’t want to get bored. That IS my greatest fear in life…boredom. I can handle pretty much anything thrown in front of me but when faced with hours upon hours of nothing to do, I get crazy! I can’t stand to watch TV all day or sit on my butt.
I know, as with all things, I will figure it out and quickly fall in love with our little Froggie (lately in my belly I can feel his knees jutting out on each side like an amphibian) and probably won’t ever want to leave his side.
and…..I absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow, our first Saturday off together. I am going to drag Kirk along for a typical “Jessie’s Day Out” which means that before noon we will have completed about 8 things off a To Do list and he will be all whiney and tired.