Birth.Class ~ Day Two

>Day Two was LONG! We started at 9am and went until 5pm.  I was excited about getting to miss another day of work when I scheduled the class, but this was just too long.

We started our morning by getting better snacks than the day before. By better, I don’t mean healthier….I just mean MORE. We had Juice Stop, Trail Mix, beef jerky, Milk Duds…all of these things which I picked up at the King Soopers while Kirk decided to get a car wash which took TWENTY minutes and made us late.

I hate being late!

We spent the morning talking about Placentas (which always freaks Kirk out). Our instructor talked about how some women take the placenta home and dehydrate them and make pills out of them to take. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that. She also talked about how some people will bury them under trees in their yards. Kirk’s response was “maybe it will make our trees healthier?”

We spent the afternoon talking about breathe control…kind of like Lamaze. I am good at breathing (thanks, yoga) but I am sure the minute I am in pain I will forget everything we learned. I do know that I hope I am not a cussing crazy-lady when I birth this kid. I tend to cuss a LOT, but there just seems to be something off about yelling FUCK and SHIT when you are bringing your child into the world.

Remember when Suri Cruise was born and b/c of their religion (Scientology) it was completely silent in the room? Yeah, that would be nice, but I am sure I will cuss, snap at Kirk and be mean to my mom for some reason. I hope not….my Birth Plan is just to get the kid out as quickly and safely as possible….

We then moved on to positions to move your body in to so that you are comfortable while contractions are strong. The first position was called Slow Dance and looked just like that. I had my arms on Kirk’s shoulders and his on my waist and we rocked back and forth. It felt pretty silly, but we went with it. Kirk made me laugh b/c he told me he was getting a boner!  I tell you, we were the troublemakers in the class.

The second position was called The Lunge and I would put one foot up on the chair and just sort of sway forward and backward. We thought it made me look like Captain Morgan so that made us giggle too.

After lunch, which sucked b/c we chose to eat at the Cafeteria and had pizza/chicken fingers while the other expecting couples around us had salads and paninis and wraps, we went around the room and the men had to say what they were most excited about.

You want to know what Kirk said?

Well, I was expecting something so poetic and beautiful because, well, that’s how he is…eloquent.

He said, “I can’t wait to see how our dog is with the baby.”


Who cares? Oh well….

The rest of the afternoon was spent with our fake babies.


Guess which one I chose?

Little black baby….we named him Arnold.

We were exhausted by the time we talked about bathing and swaddling the baby so I didn’t enjoy that part as much as I really wanted to.

I don’t even remember what we did that night, but overall, I gave the class a B. I just think it was too long…..

But, then again, what the hell do I know?


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