first.time.ever.i.saw.your.face

not sure why I have been so quiet this week….a combination of exhaustion, work sucks and been busy spending time with Kirk who is back after being gone 18/20 days just before Christmas to now.

So, today was our 4D sonogram.

To say that it was overwhelming is an understatement.

I had such nerves all day. My stomach was in knots and my heart was racing, my pits were sweaty and I was very emotional.

When I laid down on the table, worries such as “what if he is missing toes?” or “what if he has no ears” were running through my head.

(that would have sucked, but I would have dealt….it would’ve been okay, but you can’t tell me there is a parent out there who doesn’t think this)

Lights dimmed.

hopped on the table.

hot gel on my belly

then there you were.

Reeve, there will never be another moment in my life that compares to that when first I saw your face. Quiet tears slipped down my cheeks and relief washed over me heart.

Roberta Flacks’ song lyrics were running through my head.

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,
To the dark and the empty skies.

Reeve, you have put so much love into my heart. I cannot imagine that moment I first hold you and kiss those perfect little lips.

it’s hard to tell, at this point, if you look like either of us, but I prefer to think you have your father’s soul…that you are more like him than me. That you are calm and peaceful.

I am going to try to figure out how to post the video from my Point of View on the Sonogram table this week….in it I cry, laugh and my whole life flashes before my eyes. I laid there thinking about all of the fun things we get to do with you, the lessons we get to teach you, even the hard times we will have.

Your little face keeps crossing my mind. Now, when you have the hiccups (which is a lot) I picture your face. When you kick me, I think of your 10 toes. When I am dizzy, I picture you taking all of the nutrients from my body.

Not sure how to end this…it’s very emotional to “see” you for the first time. The 4D Sonogram was almost $200 so I know that we are blessed that we could afford to do it, but oh how I wish every new momma could see their child before she/he was born. I am just going to focus on that little face when I am pushing you out.

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