dark.rainy.cloud

the past few days I have felt a little “off.” Not like me. The best way for me to explain it is that I am typically VERY sure of what I feel. I am either 100% happy or 100% sad or 100% mad or 100% anxious.

Right now….I feel about 25% of each of those things.

Now, I am sure that hormones are playing a huge part in upsetting the formula, but I am not dealing with it well. Coupled with the fact that I am not sleeping, I just feel like there is a little (or big) black, rainy cloud following me around.

Reeve is kicking away at me and that makes me happy….he’s the only thing that is making me happy lately.

It seems Kirk isn’t living up to some “ideal” that was in my head….and it’s just in my head. He IS amazing, he’s everything, but in my confused head it’s still not enough.

I don’t feel pretty. I don’t feel special. I don’t feel certain of anything.

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