Our morning started pretty routine. Kirk took his shower while I laid in bed wishing the night were here.
I took my hot bath, Hannah Dog protectively lying just beside me on the floor mat.
Kirk read his Wall Street Journal and I checked my Facebook. (ha ha).
We drove to the hospital knowing our lives would forever be changed. Would we have a son? Would we have a daughter?
I don’t know that Kirk cared and is probably already the “better parent” b/c he was able to love either selflessly and only cared for it’s health.
I am the selfish one, I wanted a girl. About halfway to the hospital, at a stoplight, I realized how selfish I was and tears came to my eyes when it hit me that all that really mattered was 10 fingers, 10 toes, 4 chambers in your heart, 2 eyes…and so on.
I would be okay if you were my little man.
As I plopped down on the sonogram table, I said one final prayer for my little girl. The Sonogram Technician put the warm gel on my belly and Kirk and I took one last look at each other and decided we could not wait to find out what we were having. With our “go ahead” she said she could tell what it was…i looked and saw it’s “boy parts” and Kirk just squinted, “huh?”
The first words out of my mouth were “a boy?!?!?!” and Kirk started laughing.
I could make out your “Boy Parts” before the Sono Tech even had a chance to tell us what you were.
Kirk’s “every man” dream came true and, I swear, in that moment his t-ball and pitching days flashed before his eyes. It took me about 10 minutes to even focus. I truly and really believed in my heart you were a girl. I will be honest, I was disappointed. I had visions of dressing a daughter in cute clothes and decorating her room and giving my family a girl…..selfish….then those passed when I started to think about how Kirk would teach you to grow up to be a gentleman, how you would probably worship him, how my nephew Will knew you would be his “boy tousin” and my mind started to slowly shift towards the cute hats and striped shirts I could dress you and Kirk in to match.
From what we could tell, you were completely bent in half with your toes on your forehead. You already take after me in that you were stubborn and would not move so the Sono Tech could get a great look at you. You just would not move, so she actually wiped the goo off my belly and had me go pee and do 10 jumping jacks to try to get you to shift. It worked!
Your little nose was enough to send me over the edge, but then when I saw your foot so close to your mouth and the idea of you sucking on your toes….Man, oh man, I fell so hard in love with you in that moment. MY SON!!!!! My baby boy…mama’s boy!
Your spine melted my heart. It looked like you were waving glow sticks the way your arms were moving. I think, at one point, you were sucking your toes. We just held hands and adored you. Ten little toes, ten little fingers, and REALLY long legs that measured in 2 weeks ahead of how old you actually are…my little basketball player.
Back in the Doctor’s office, she sensed my “disappointment” and credited me for being honest about how I felt. For the rest of our lives, Kirk says he will never forget how I looked at her and said, “It’s just….I typically always tend to get what I want.” SPOILED much was how I read her look? The “process of processing” you took about an hour. I can honestly say I wasn’t super excited to call my family and tell them BLUE b/c everyone wanted a little girl so badly. Ever-the-competitor, I felt like I had let everyone down. I was supposed to be the one who gave my parents their grand-daughter. I was the one who was supposed to have the princess.
God humbled me by giving my my Little Prince. . . oh, and how I already love you.
There really are no words. I am told being a mother to a little boy is a gift, and I truly belive you have many lessons to teach me along the way. The first being HUMILITY.
When I called my mom, it all came back into perspective. “Oh, won’t he be perfect?” she said. “Won’t he be so smart?” “Won’t he be so nice, like Kirk?”
I had missed it. I missed the WHOLE big picture. I was so focused on ME and what I wanted that I missed the beauty in this gift. I spent the rest of the day “processing” and have come to love him so much.
As the day wore on, I found clothes and books and outfits and toys I knew he would have to have.
We haved named our son Reeve Denver (after Kirk) Mooneyham. I would love to shout it to the world, but Kirk wants to keep one secret for ourselves…we’ll see, you know how I am with secrets.
Friends came over to celebrate last night. Kelsi, Matt, Chase, Erin, Adam, Tara and her kids….we are the luckiest people in the world. I am so thankful for a child who has, in one day, taught me beauty!
“Here is my secret. It is very simple: one sees well only with the heart. The essential is invisible to the eyes.”
“The essential things in life are seen not with the eyes, but with the heart.”
“One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”
The Little Prince