I am writing to you because in less than 36 hours I will know if you are my son or my daughter. I do not care which you are, I only care that you know how very loved you are. That family and friends in Kansas and Florida and Illinois and Hawaii and New York are praying for you and hoping you join us safely. Your life is more precious to me than any word can say.
I cannot imagine the first moment I see your hold you in my arms, but for now just seeing your little profile and heartbeat are more than enough. I imagine you to look like your daddy but with my stubborn and orner streak.
My hopes for you are simple….I think I want what all parents want, but I also pray for you to grow up to be a loving and tolerant person. I pray for you to be strong and to fight for everything you believe in even if it makes you “different.” I pray that you are wise and make good choices. I pray that I am a good mama….
If you are a girl, your name means “white mountain flower.” We did not come upon this name lightly. As a little girl, I imagine naming you Hope after my beloved grandmother, but when another family member chose that name for their daughter, I began dreaming up a name for you that was a gift. The mountains are our home, they are where I always knew I would find your daddy. I came here in my 27th year for a man I loved, but deep in my heart I knew these mountains had more in store for me than I could imagine.
If you are a boy, your name means “bailiff.” Truthfully, it has no significance to us, but we like how it sounds….especially with your middle name the same as your daddy’s (Denver). I imagine you sitting at the table eating breakfast beside your dad as he reads the Wall Street Journal, both of you twirling your hair. Attending baseball games for the next 18 years will become my life, you will be polite and a gentleman like your father. I will be so proud to give Kirk a son, it would be the greatest gift I could give him.
Baby, I am proud to be your mama. I hope that my mistakes and the lessons I have learned from them guide you and help you to be a wonderful man or woman.
I can’t wait for you to meet your family. Don Linny and Papa Jim who will love you more than life. Your cousins who will all smother you with wet kisses and hugs. Aunts and Uncles who will hold you tightly and love you as though you are their own. Friends who will guide us as we take way upon this completely unknown path. And God, who will love you with all and for all time. You are a lucky child to have all of those people to fall back on if we ever fail you.
Baby, my love for you has made my life whole. I will never ask for or need another “thing” now that I have you. This next chapter of our life is going to be an adventure and I cannot thank God enough for giving me your daddy to help me through it.
With every ounce and fiber of my being,
May you always know that you are loved,
And that you learn how to share God’s love with others.
May you always know that you are blessed,
And one day, bless others in His name.
May you always know that you are God’s gift to us,
And one day, give unto others as He has given to you.