too.soon.to.tell

Well baby,

you are officially 11 weeks old which means I am almost out of my first trimester and can then tell the world about you. From the outside, to a stranger, you would NEVER know I was pregnant. I, however, FEEL it….from the tightening of my clothes to the dizziness and completely crazy MOOD SWINGS. You are in there growing away and all of things are okay.

Aren’t they?

No one really prepares a Skinny Girl when they get pregnant what their bodies will start to do. I have waited my whole life to be a mama, but I have not once in my whole life been overweight or even carried an extra 5 pounds. Seeing the 4 pounds I put on last week (and probably what feels like another 4 this week) starting to show on my body is the hardest part of this pregnancy. It makes me feel guilty to complain to anyone that I “feel fat” b/c I don’t really know what that feeling is, I have never been “fat” but I look in the mirror and I am grossed out and turned off by me. I wonder when it’s a noticeablly ROUND baby bump if I will move past the body issues and think I look beautiful.

I told Kirk the other day that I am worried that when i DO feel like having sex again (someday…just don’t even think about touching me right now or I might kill you) he won’t be the least bit attracted to me. We saw a woman who had clearly not lost all of her baby weight and I asked him if he thought  the husband still even loved her anymore? He gave me the worst look. His reaction was something to the effect of *of course he does….why wouldn’t he….that’s awful….you don’t really belive that, do you?*

i (shamelessly) do.

i mean, if Kirk all of a sudden got fat and sloppy and overweight, I don’t honestly know if I would be attracted to him anymore or not. I love his body strong and muscular and if one day he came home and it was flopping over his shorts, I honest-to-God don’t know if i could find myself attracted to him.

i hate myself for it. i do, but i don’t ever want him to feel that way about me.

all I can think about are the hiking groups i want to join and which gyms have infant daycare and which strollers last the longest for trails.

The issues are new to me as before I never even so much as weighed myself. It’s not like I was one of those women who EVER counted calories or dieted…I hadn’t even weighed myself in over 10 years. I just based my “health” on how I felt and what size clothes i was wearing, so to be terrified to gain weight and worry about how to lose it is new to me. I don’t even know HOW to count calories.

oh well…..so right now, you are the size of a fig. I don’t even know what one is and am thinking of driving to Whole Foods to see if I can find one.

You are starting to look like a real baby now and not some shellfish or alien.

We still have not bought a single thing for you other than the wooden abacus I want you to play with. For some reason it just doesn’t seem real and until we can “announce” you I don’t think it will. Maybe finding out what sex you are in 7-9 weeks will also help.

Your daddy is in Las Vegas for work. He was sad to leave again because last time was when I went to the ER. He cried in bed the night before he left. He is starting to talk more and more to you at night. I play you songs from Pandora…it’s so easy to put the iPhone right on my tummy. Daddy says it’s too loud and i need to turn it down.  Ha ha….this coming from the man who LIVES for loud concerts. He sounded like a parent. I blast it for you though. I want you to know some goodies and try to play relaxing stuff so you go to sleep, but sometimes a little JayZ or Tupac makes it into your ears.

When my friend Kelsi was pregnant with her son, Chase, she always played Outkast and Biggie and now when he hears “Wheels of Steel” he gets so excited and tells her he loves that song. I swear he remembers hearing it when he was in her belly.

What else? No puking, but this morning I did squat over the toilet naked as I was about to jump in the bath tub….I spit up a few times, but no vomit. Thank goodness there is none of that. The boobs are much less sore and slowly my energy is coming back, but I could still easily nap at any time of the day.

Oh, I know….have you heard of a BabyMoon?

I saw it the other day on my new favorite show Tia & Tamara (love those silly girls) and I have already informed Kirk that we will be taking one of these at the middle or end of January.

THIS is my top Choice.

Sunset Jamaica Grande Resort & Spa; Ocho Rios, Jamaica

While studies are inconclusive, anecdotal evidence suggests that babies exposed to reggae in utero are some of the mellowest on the planet. Same goes for expectant parents, who’ll find several additional ways to chillax at the all-inclusive Sunset Jamaica Grande: five swimming pools, a 1,300-foot private beach (the longest in Ocho Rios) and — not surprisingly — countless water sports (the paddle boats and water bikes are likeliest to be your speed right now). Little extras for moms-and-dads-to-be include couples massage, a babymoon souvenir photo

Look at what it says about Reggae music. I want a mellow baby. Plus, isn’t it beautiful?

I don’t know what it costs. Don’t care. I am going….before this baby comes along and all hell breaks loose, my baby belly wants to lie on a beach in a bikini (i know i know) and enjoy turquoise water and reggae and dance and swim naked.

With that being said, it’s time for lunch and a Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich has my name all over it.

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