bad.little.baby

Well, you gave us quite a scare last night, little one. Spending 4 hours in the ER was NOT my idea of a fun Tuesday.

but you are healthy with a ticker beating at 171 beats/minute and officially NINE weeks and zero days old…..still, I would prefer that you not give us another scare like you did last night.

See this?

That is my Emergency Room bracelet…my first maternity fashion accessory courtesy of an unruly child. YOU!

Last night, after dinner with WONDERFUL Adam & Erin (mommy’s best friend) I sat down to pee and had a LOT of blood in my underwear, it bled through my shorts. I screamed for Erin who came running in. I made her look at the blood (gross….but she didn’t mind) and she called the doctor. The on-call doctor said she thought I could wait until the morning to come in and that chances were I was okay, but the thought of losing you made it even worse. My heart was breaking and everything I had ever wanted seemed to be slipping from me.

I have had many friends tell me that “spotting” was normal, but i could FEEL the bleeding and, in my head, that didn’t seem like just spotting and worried me even more. I called my brother (he’s a smarty-pants doctor) and his wife (she’s a caring nurse) and asked if they thought I should go to the ER and they said yes. They knew I wouldn’t sleep or rest until morning! Although the doctor assured me First Trimester Bleeding was normal and posed no real threat after having had a healthy, normal ultrasound….I still almost lost my shit!!!

Your poor daddy is away on Day Two of his new job. I called him out of dinner to tell him and the fear and panic in his voice FORCED me to be calm for him. I know how badly he wanted to be there with me holding my hand and whispering in my ear, but he couldn’t….instead I think he got drunk to handle it (just like only 6 short weeks ago when he found out about you).

The worst thing about the whole 5 hour ER visit? My stupid iPhone was dead and i had to have Erin call / text him and my brother/sis-in-law. LESSON?  I think I need the new iPhone which holds a charge…or i should just make sure my current one stays charged….or i need a new car b/c the cigarette lighter/charger on mine is broken. 🙂

Okay, so back to last night. Driving to the hospital was perhaps the worst 15 minutes of my life. I can’t even imagine how Erin & Adam must’ve felt…worried, scared, overwhelmed….but thank god I was with them. Erin is such a Take Charge kind of gal.

The whole drive i was thinking back through the day to see if there were anything I had done that might’ve made me sick or miscarry. Had the 2 pieces of shrimp on my Olive Garden pasta been a bad idea? Was the 2-hour walk Erin and I took the other night too much?  Should I not have gotten a pedicure, that lady rubbed my legs a little hard? I only drank 48 ounces of water, I should’ve had that extra 16 ounces. Was the fish too spicy?  It’s awful how your mind does that…tries to find an answer and then blame and then guilt.

We got the ER check-in and were delayed by a gentleman having shortness of breath and chest pain. Sure, go ahead, your lungs are probably more important than my baby. And then a 9 month pregnant lady came in having contractions and she got to cut in line too. It’s probably karma for Monday’s facebook post.

I am serious. I really believe it probably is God’s way of bitch-slapping me and telling me to be patient…either way, sorry Fat Lady for wanting to kick your ass. Lesson learned by way of a bleeding vagina and an Emergency Room waiting line.

Okay, so we get back to Triage where they take four vials of blood and Erin is about to pass out. Only, the nurse can’t find my vein and sticks me TWO times before she passes me over to the other nurse. I was already so upset and the painful prick of this dumb nurse had me bawling. I hope she felt badly for making my mental pain worse b/c of the physical pain she inflicted upon me. So, the other nurse finds a STRONG vein and blood splatters everywhere, onto the floor, my purse, my arm. UGH!

We get taken into an ER room where we wait….and wait….and get IV fluids….then we pee…..and wait….and a REALLY hot young doctor comes in and all i can think is, “I hope he isn’t the one going to look between my legs b/c I need a bikini wax” and then he leaves…we pee….we wait….pee again…silly young nurse comes in and she can’t work the blood pressure monitor and i freak out b/c, what is this, amature night?  Then, we get another IV bag and we pee some more.

Then, the NICEST most grand-fatherly old doctor comes in and is holding my hand, asking me how I feel. “Nervous,” I say….he wipes the tear off of my cheek and says, “Don’t be tearful” and I just want to curl in his arms and beg him to take care of me.  He puts warm blankets on my shivering body and leaves.

PS….did you know i have NEVER had an IV before and that they HURT and the fluid is COLD in your body?

Okay, so Doctor Grandpa leaves and they tell me they are calling in an Ultrasound Tech b/c they leave at 8pm. I am relieved b/c I had thought I would have to wait until the next morning to come back, but Ms. Cold As Ice Tech herself comes in and stick the Vagina Wand up my hoo ha and we see little baby and flickering heart and all seems well in the world. I ask her if I can hear the heartbeat just to be sure and she acts like I have asked her to, i don’t know, drop what she’s doing, drive into work after hours and reassure a crazy pregnant lady. We hear heartbeat, I cry, Kirk is reassured (though drunk with other Captive Insurance-type people in Vermont or Delaware or Buffalo or wherever he is talking about Risk Management).

Again, Erin is my hero. By this point, it’s late and she is freezing in her little sundress and I have probably scared the shit out of her….but Jesus Christ…..she’s going to be a great mom b/c she was distracting me left and right with questions about Kirk’s job and Ikea and Sex & the City….

Then we move into another room for a Pelvic Exam and I think to myself that it won’t be bad, Grandpa Doctor will be kind and have more good news that baby is okay…..and then…..hot young doctor walks in and spreads my legs. UGH! Seriously, should I even care what he thinks? I definitely should not be trying to remember the last time any hot guy was down there when my Vagina wasn’t freshly waxed, but my brain is functioning normal again and my baby is healthy so all I can think about is having a Pretty Vagina.

He checks me out and says there was a little clot and confirms that all is well and tells me I get TWO days of bedrest. All I can think is that I will probably get fired or in trouble for missing work during a promotion and, hey, wouldn’t that great b/c then I could SUE!

So, we go back to Erin’s, I fall asleep, wake up once in the night to pee, once again to find some Complex Carbohydrates in the form of a nasty blueberry-cinammon bagle and drift off to sweet dreams of your little feet which look like flippers!

I love you, sweet baby. Please don’t EVER scare me like that again. Losing you would break my heart. I have wanted you for so long and will always keep you happy and safe if you just promise me to do your part!

Mommy

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